Preached At

Now, I know I went and did a whole thing on how religion is a tricky topic on the internet but if there's a place and time that I've ever really felt cognitive dissonance, it's back home in Illinois on Sunday.


Cognitive Dissonance, you see, is the tension we feel when stressed or anxious because our attitudes do not match up with our behaviors. (Festinger & Carlsmith, 1959) And perhaps the place that I feel it the most is when I go to church when I'm home for a holiday.


You see, I come from a family that is very strongly Christian. My father is damn near Puritanical in his beliefs, and while my mother and sister are more flexible and forgiving of other religions, alternative lifestyles, progressive movement, etcetera, they're still very firmly entrenched in their faith.


Which, you know, I try not to mind. After all, like I said, I can respect looking to a faith to find reassurance and meaning in the universe. It's a scary world after all.


But it's very stressful to have to deal with it when you're the only one who is anti-organized-religion and  doesn't immediately ascribe to the idea that "God made the heavens and the earth."


And it only gets all the more stressful when I'm back home and go to church to be preached at for two hours. I sit there in the pew, just stewing for 120 minutes, having to act all smiley and nodding my head and singing hymns to a god that I very likely would choose not to follow even if he did exist (The Christian God, as he is portrayed in the Bible, comes across as borderline sadistic and evil to me.)


The fact is that when I go to church, I am experiencing Cognitive Dissonance. I feel stressed, angry, and tense because here I am a firm agnostic with disdain for religion and I'm acting like a torch-bearer. It's very trying.


Generally to deal with it I play down the choice that I had in the matter. I tell myself "My mother and sister would be very dissapointed if I didn't join them for something they hold so close. I really don't have a choice." (my father I could care less about). Saying things like this helps to minimize the tension I feel during these sermons. (Gosling et al., 2006)


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References:


Festinger, L., & Carlsmith, J. M. (1959). Cognitive consequences of forced compliance.Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 58, 203-210.


Gosling, P., Denizeau, M., & Oberlé, D. (2006). Denial of responsibility: A new mode of dissonancereduction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90, 722-733.